It might be an individual, a relationship, an organization, a company, or a nation. We all have emotional baggage.
We’ve all lived our lives building emotional barriers that we think will make it easier for us to keep on keeping on when in reality, they might be making life more difficult.
We build these walls to make sure that our downfalls, hurts, fears, stress, sadness, or rejection don’t get in the way of our “have-to-do” list.
The past is the stuff of nightmares, nightmares and confusion, disappointment and anger, insecurity and fear. It’s also the stuff of experience.
Get someone emotionally unstuck by first helping them see how the past has shaped them and will continue to shape them.
Then help them realize that while the past may have been painful, it’s not the future.
It’s an asset because it’s been burned into their memory. Let them become more acquainted with the pain of the past and the joy and peace that came after.
What you are about to learn is not how to overcome an emotional challenge in your life but how to use the past to break free.
How does the past become the future?
All of us make choices, good and bad, every day. We don’t like to admit it, but we all do.
The choices we make will become the next day, week, month, year, and next decade of our lives.
We need to make good choices for our future rather than bad. That’s a simple and easy-to-understand concept.
Just like you wouldn’t let a person steal your car and drive it to a forest in the middle of nowhere and park it, you wouldn’t allow a person to make bad choices and then expect you to clean up after them.
Our past actions matter. They matter just as much as your future choices and actions.
They are the same. If you continue to keep them in your past, you will live with the consequences.
You’ll live with the pain, anger, embarrassment, despair, depression, anxiety, loneliness, regret, and so many other emotions.
It might be a man who keeps women as mistresses. A woman who keeps men in a very dysfunctional relationship. A company that keeps cheating their customers.
You can’t use the past as a justification for bad behavior.
You can’t use the past to your advantage.
It’s called past and future in life. You can’t have one without the other.
All you can do is stay present in life. This gives you the power to create your future.
We’re all living in the present. You’re living in the present.
I’m living in the present. The squirrels are living in the present. You’re creating your future now.
The only thing that’s holding you back from a life you want to live in the past. It’s time to move beyond it.
You can get emotionally unstuck now by learning to focus on the present moment.
What to do
How do you accomplish something you’re not fully aware you want to do?
Simple, you work at it.
You can’t just expect to reach your goal by wishing it into existence.
It will help if you get it.
What you’re about to learn can’t be learned in a classroom. It can’t be learned by reading a book.
You can’t do the things you need to do if you’re always going to be stuck in the past.
You can’t learn what it means to be emotionally unstuck if you’re not willing to sit with your emotions, feel the sensations that come from them, and learn how to use them.
That’s the only way you can truly get unstuck.
So, what is the present?
The present is when you are paying attention to the present moment.
When we are paying attention to the present, we are in a state of reality.
A feeling of reality and in the present moment is when you are doing things in the physical world you could be doing.
It’s when you are here and now. It’s your life right now.
Some people choose to spend their days daydreaming or getting lost in fantasy. Some people feel a profound sense of joy and contentment right now, and others seek out more emotion and energy in their lives.
Whichever category you fall into, remember that the here and now is a wonderful feeling.
Don’t be afraid to embrace it and take advantage of it. The feelings that come with being in the present moment are different for everyone.
They all have one thing in common, though…
These feelings are your gift.
Accept it. Use it.
This is a passive listening technique where the person feels heard, but the speaker is not triggering you. This type of listening requires the listener to absorb all of what is being said without reacting to it.
Being an empath, I am very used to immediately reacting when I am listening to someone, but this passive listening can effectively show someone your support. You might want to leave the room and physically distance yourself from the other person during this listening method so that they cannot find a trigger in you.
In this listening method, if someone is talking about a really intense and traumatic event, you can take it in and then pass the listening duty onto someone else if you do not want to listen.
This is a more aggressive listening method where you do most of the listening and allow the person to talk or not talk about whatever they are talking about. Assertive listening requires you to remain engaged throughout the listening and actively listen to what the person is saying.
As an empath, I find assertive listening more effective because it allows me to respond to the other person and see what response I get back. In this listening method, you can raise your voice when the person is getting too deep and/or emotional with their story.
If someone is trying to explain the significance of something for them emotionally, there is a high possibility that you can feel some level of what they feel because you, too, have been through something of a similar nature.
In this last method, the person you are talking to opens up to you by giving you their emotional connection. This is a sort of security blanket with someone you are very close to.
This emotional connection is an emotional magnet that the person is very comfortable reaching out to when they are sharing emotionally. Emotionally connecting with someone allows the person to show their trust and love in you.
It makes emotional sharing more real for the person because they can put their vulnerability into you. Giving your emotional connection is a huge responsibility.
You have to make sure to use this with sensitivity and care to make sure that the person you are giving your emotional connection to is supported emotionally. Emotions can hurt, so you want to make sure that the other person is okay.
How to stop worrying about the future
What do you do if you feel that you don’t want to worry about your future?
I remember many times when I was in a bad relationship or struggling with a relationship issue.
When I was going through those moments, I spent a lot of time dwelling on my future.
When I found myself doing that, I was unproductive. I was causing myself stress, and I wasn’t allowing myself to have a peaceful moment.
When you feel like you don’t want to worry about your future, take a moment to look at the present moment.
Slowly, take a few seconds to feel all the sensations in your body and experience your life right now.
Notice how much light is coming into the room.
Feel your breath going in and out.
Notice your skin temperature.
Feel the heat on your face and see if you can see the sun’s reflection in the window.
Take a moment to realize that right now, you’re happy.