In the world we are in today, the fundamentality of relating is no longer there. Our focus has been changed from connecting with the person with whom we interact.
The emphasis is now more on the transaction between you and your customers/clients, and the interactions are monetized. You don’t relate with them; you just take money from them.
Many of us feel we are losing this human bond. Many are losing the values of human relationships.
What are these values?
Are they defined by how much you can earn or how much you can achieve, how high the rank or the power? What is the concept of a good time with your significant other – how many compliments are you giving, how many times are you expressing your feelings, how much do you show concern?
A good time is when you go for a walk, dinner, movie, swimming, snorkeling, shopping, riding, reading, etc. A good time is when you can’t wait for a moment to get the person and express your feelings.
In that, there is no stress on earning and income and earnings. There is no pressure of making deals with your partner on the interest rate and monetary terms.
How much will I earn on the bank loan and how much on the mortgage. This type of pressure does not exist in relationships.
The concern is on mutual feelings, understanding, and personal needs.
Most of us were brought up under the cultural practices of earning and be getting and struggling to earn and get, and never paid much attention to expressing our feelings. It was only after marriage that our perspectives changed, but then even our marriages failed.
One reason for this is that there is a new generation that is not conditioned like we were. The notions of growing old together, sharing life, the experience of sharing the responsibilities, of understanding each other are alien to this generation. Hence, the marriage is breaking apart without any valid reason.
One of the root causes of marital failures is the failure to open up emotionally to each other, appreciate and accept each other’s role in each other’s lives, and create a bond of trust.
Please note that not all men suffer from this problem, and if they do, they are in a worse state than you. Some may succeed in making their wives open up emotionally to them, but some women make it difficult for their husbands to open up emotionally.
If you are living with this man, here is the question you have to ask.
Can you open up emotionally and express your feelings to him? Will he open up emotionally and express his feelings to you?
If the answer is no, then you should not stay with this man. He will not express his feelings to you, and you will not be able to express yours to him in a way that will make him emotionally accessible to you.
If the answer is yes, then you can work on it and give it your best shot.
Being strong is just a facade
In this day and age, the advice to men is to be strong. In this day and age, it is as if manhood is about how much strength we have.
Are you made of iron, are you made of steel, how tough are you, how tough can you be? A woman with a male friend has once asked her friend this question.
To which he replied, “Amma, you are asking this question because you are confused. The strength and courage a man has are only about delivering what he promised, which you want to see in me so that you feel good about me.
You will also be impressed if I ask for your confidence.”
Men are often told never to show their weakness to women. But this is not reality.
How much do you complain to your man about the housework or the cooking or the pregnancy or being tired after work or about the efforts you have to put in to keep the relationship going? Do you share your happiness with him, or do you keep them to yourself?
See this as an opportunity to express your love to him.
Why should you put yourself in such a situation that the man has to be told how to express his feelings? As you see, the answer is simple.
It is to show love, affection, and respect. The most powerful thing a man needs in this world is love, affection, and respect.
Please make a list of all the things that he does for you
How much do you appreciate it and appreciate it? What are how he did it for you?
For example, he takes the baby out for a walk, sometimes twice a day, so that you are not burdened with feeding or changing the baby or keeping the house going. How does he do it?
Is he doing it out of any responsibility towards you, or is he doing it out of care for you? Is he doing it for the baby, is he doing it for himself, or is he doing it for both of you? Ask him these questions.
Or he offers to make you a cup of tea in the morning when you are tired. How does he do it?
Is it just out of the goodness of his heart, or is it because he also appreciates how tired you are after a long day’s work and wants to make you a cup of tea to make you feel better?
Or he arranges for the kids’ meals on weekdays when you are at work and cooks meals for the kids while you are at home. How does he do it?
Is it just out of caring for you, or is it because he also appreciates how tired you are after a long day’s work and wants to make you a cup of tea to make you feel better?
How do you feel? What do you like?
What do you want? What do you dislike?
You can easily ask these questions in a pleasant and caring tone.
If he does not open up, then you can also ask him questions. How come he does not open up?
What is it that he is not telling you?
Ask yourself these questions:
- Is he not in love with me?
- Does he want the relationship to end?
- Does he want to separate or go your separate ways?
These are only a few questions that can guide you in fixing things. If the answers to these questions do not satisfy you, then talk to your man.
When you talk to him, please don’t do it with a tone of accusation so that you feel better about yourself. Just ask him some questions.
The only thing he needs is love and affection.
He needs it because the very notion of masculinity is attached to strength. If you show love and affection to him, it will make him confident of himself.
All the masculine traits that he has been, in fact, there only because he has the power to express them.